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Post by Annabel-Lee Atkinson on Jun 26, 2015 3:19:36 GMT -5
"Boy or a girl?" She asked, she could just keep this conversation in her head. She knew his mother would be able to hear her thoughts but well sometimes it was easier just to say it out loud. Child birth, she died in childbirth just like her mother did only Samuel wasn't there. All he would have know was that mommy was suppose to come home with a baby and she did and neither did the baby.
"Another boy... And your mother Annabel? The young girl looked down and bite at her lip. She always hated thinking about that day. The guilt and the blame. She couldn't save her... how could she save her? Them? She was only seven... far to young to have even seen what had happen,
"Boy as well... He lived for a few days after but died as well." She was more than understanding. A nod and a smile and she understood that Annabel and her son shared a common pain. Though Annabel's had grown so muted over the years, like the rest of her emotions. When you are indented with other people's feelings all the time your forget you own but she understood.
But the Samuel started to speak, asking questions like anyone would about why she was even here, where was she... The things all children crave to know when they lose a parent and she looked over at his mother and nodded some knowing exactly what she had to tell him. "Samuel she is at peace I promise you that. Yes she has been waiting to ascend but it has not been painful for her because she's been watching you. She just wanted to tell you something before she left and well it's a little hard when there aren't alot of true mediums running around."
"Don't forget what I taught you."
"She always wants you to remember what she taught you. To be grateful for all the things you have... to pray for it. To never stop believing in yourself but know your limits and surround yourself with good people. And that you are loved and speical." She wonder if her mother would have said the same thing if she asked before she left. But she was so young and just coming into her powers. She didn't know what information you needed to ask the dead to tell the living yet.
"She is watching you always... Your own personal guardian angel really."
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Aedan O'Brien
Fuego Student - Year 7
one for your tummy, one for your cheek, one for the devil inside of me
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Post by Aedan O'Brien on Jun 26, 2015 3:54:09 GMT -5
Something strange was happening to his knees. They were shaking, and a moment later they were pressing against the earth, wetness seeping up through his pants from the damp soil. It felt odd to be kneeling this way, staring into the darkness, except for the fact that he was thoroughly convinced that he was looking at his mother, even though he couldn't see her. Dimly, he heard Annabel's side of the conversation. He understood that her mother had died in the same way. He understood that he would have had a baby brother, if they had survived.
Worst of all, he understood that, all this time when he thought the only person who expected good from him was gone, he was wrong. She had been there. She had seen him training, learning how to hurt people, lying to them, carrying around his all-important parcel of anger and hatred ... and, good God, somehow she still loved him. It didn't make sense.
Samuel drew in a deep, shaky breath. "I do what I have to do. For the family, for Father, for the future. I do what I have to do, even if it is ugly. Even if it hurts. I know that I'm bad and that you wanted me to be good but I can't be good if I'm going to fulfill my destiny, can I? I can't do both, and I thought ... I thought you were gone. I thought that you'd left me."
One tear broke free, and Samuel quickly wiped it away, thankful that his back was turned to Annabel.
"She always wants you to remember what she taught you ... to pray ... to never stop believing ... "
"But how can I pray to God after he took you from me?"
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Post by Annabel-Lee Atkinson on Jun 26, 2015 15:39:24 GMT -5
He had fallen onto his knees and Annabel tilted her head with a soft small smile before moving to sit next to him. She took Samuel's hands in her own and closed her eyes for a second and breathed. Poor thing was so stressed, so scared and so upset. From the pain of losing his mother while young to the knowledge that his mother had been watching him the whole time. She wish there was more she could do to make him feel better other than just well this... relay the information that was presented to her as it stood.
"Of course she was watching, death doesn't stop true love Samuel. A parents love for their child is one of the truest and strongest things. At least I like to think so. She is always going to be watching because those that love us never really leave." She said with a smile hoping that would bring some peace to his mind. He then talked about the things he had to do, the bad things and how he thought his mother wanted him to be good but he couldn't. "Those are very difficult question you are asking." Annabel said looking back over towards her mother for the answer.
"He just has to try and find the right balance I suppose. I know what he needed to do some things for the family... but so long as he remembers that I will always see the good in him and I will always love him."
"Well she wants you to know that she knows you sometimes you have to do bad things, but it's okay because it's for the family. And so long as you still try to find some balance and some good... Even if you don't she will always love you and always be with you." And with that she was gone. That was her final message she needed to impart and Annabel was more than happy that she could give it to him.
But how can I pray to God after he took you from me?"
Oh that was hard, because death was so hard and most people loved to blame god for taking away loved ones which wasn't the case. Death didn't work like that... it was just... it just happen. "God doesn't take those we love away from it. Death just happens. It is natural and unpredictable. But it doesn't mean you should curse god. Remember he is neither god nor bad, he is just humanity all the best parts and the worst parts."
A gentle squeeze on his hands hoping that it would make him feel a little bit better. "You have an amazing mother really. You are very lucky tha she is still watching you."
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Aedan O'Brien
Fuego Student - Year 7
one for your tummy, one for your cheek, one for the devil inside of me
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Post by Aedan O'Brien on Jun 26, 2015 17:45:41 GMT -5
Samuel couldn't speak. He felt the strangest feeling in his gut. It was as though a weight had been put in there, an enormous anvil. What was this feeling? He honestly didn't understand it. He had never felt so heavy before. He usually felt light on his feet, on top of the world - watching it burn, as he liked to think. But for some reason, in this moment, he felt more like the world was on top of him.
Try to find some balance and some good ... how was he supposed to do that? His father didn't do that. No one had ever taught him how. Maybe the fact that his hands were being held ... maybe that was the sort of thing his mother was talking about? But he couldn't go around letting girls bring him to his knees. It was insupportable. It was not the kind of man he had been raised to become.
Everything was muddled together in his brain. All he could really grasp at the moment was - "I miss you." And then the scent of lavender faded away, and the wind stopped, and Samuel's head snapped up. "Wait," he exclaimed, tugging his hands away from Annabel's and getting to his feet and stepping quickly into the space that had, so recently, been filled with his mother's energy. "No ... wait ... she's not here anymore!" A terrible, aching emptiness had joined the anvil in his gut. "Annabel ... make her come back. I need her to come back. I wasn't finished! We weren't finished! Make her come back!"
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Post by Annabel-Lee Atkinson on Jun 27, 2015 16:01:59 GMT -5
Guilt? Pain and sadness for sure but guilt too... Regert. Regret for the things he had done, for the things his mother had watched him do. She smiled softly and looked down before saying. "Hey now no reason to feel like this. She knew you were just doing what you needed to do." Annabel said softly with the lightest of touches running through his hair. "You know it's okay. She still loves you so much and you are very lucky to have her." His mind was so conflicted, struggling with questions that one doesn't have the answer to until they leave this mortal world. How can you be good when you have to do bad things, how can you be powerful and good? The two don't really go hand in hand.
It became very somber once his mother left. His soul and mind were heavy and confused as he begged for her to bring her back. He tugged away from her and moved to where his mother once was and Annabel looked down before standing up herself. "She was finish Samuel, she said what she needed to say. No more no less." Oh she felt so bad, but she didn't control the will of spirit they just spoke to her. "I can't bring her back. Well, I could. But it takes alot of energy and it distrusts the balance of the veil. I have only even brought one spirit back and it was... It didn't end in the best way and I have been scared to try again." She said with a soft sigh. Maybe one of these days she could try again, if it would bring him closer then maybe she could try...
"I'm sorry there's nothing more I can do Samuel." Really that was it. She told him everything his mother wanted to say and now it was over. "You know I find after something like this it helps to try and sleep. So your mind can rest and repair from the experience because it can be quite taxing."
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Aedan O'Brien
Fuego Student - Year 7
one for your tummy, one for your cheek, one for the devil inside of me
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Post by Aedan O'Brien on Jun 27, 2015 20:22:16 GMT -5
She was finished? She had stopped by to talk to him and that was all she'd said? That was ... well, it was shit! Remember to pray? Keep practicing with your bow? I'm watching you do bad things? Nothing of use, really. Just enough to reignite how much he missed her. Just enough to remind him of the one battle he'd lost and could never, ever remedy. The loss of his mother ... damn it, now he was angry again. Empty and aching and angry.
It was so cruel of her! So cruel.
"That was all?" Samuel exclaimed, staring at Annabel with a look of flabbergasted disbelief on his face. "That was actually what she dropped by to say? Oh, this is bullshit! What the fuck, Mom? What was that supposed to accomplish?"
Samuel had no conception of how, for many people, the expression of love was an end in and of itself.
"I just ... I mean ... what the fuck? This is ... this is absurd. I need ... yes, I need to go to bed. I need one more smoke and then bed." He lit a cigarette, took a long drag, and found himself pacing back and forth on the Quidditch pitch.
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Post by Annabel-Lee Atkinson on Jun 27, 2015 23:01:42 GMT -5
She gasped at how quick that anger he had buried away rushed to the suffer and she knew there was nothing she could do to get him not to feel this way at this time. It felt so hollow and empty, a broken sort of anger that made her want to tear up. She always wished she could make people see that the will of spirits is not always clear and for a reason. Because life isn't always clear and sometimes you have to make the most of what you are given. But he didn't want that, he wanted her to tell him all the answers, have them be perfectly laid out for him.
He asked again if that was it and she nodded. "Yes that's it. I understand it's hard but I think she wanted you to come to your own conclusion on what she was saying." She said softly inhaling some to stop her eyes from watering. Not that she was upset herself, he was just very upset and well.. sometimes it just became too much.
He smoked some and she looked away. "I'm sorry I couldn't have been more help Samuel. If it helps I understand what it is like to lose your mother at a young age."
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Aedan O'Brien
Fuego Student - Year 7
one for your tummy, one for your cheek, one for the devil inside of me
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Post by Aedan O'Brien on Jun 28, 2015 5:24:02 GMT -5
"No, don't be sorry. It's not your fault." Frankly, at this point he was having difficulty focusing on the fact that there was another person out here with him. Samuel was consumed by this anger against his mother. Hadn't it been enough that she had abandoned him? Now she had to come floating around with incomprehensible, emotional gibberish? Why couldn't she have stayed silent? She'd been so good at it for so long!
Women, with their feelings and their riddles and their absolutely infuriating ... bullshit!
He stopped pacing, took another deep drag, rubbed a hand over his eyes, and looked at Annabel. "You have been very helpful. I am sorry about your mother and your brother. It is a terrible thing.
"Are you going back to the school now, as well, or are you staying out longer?" He might as well be a gentleman and walk her home.
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